i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
