I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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