I want to have your abortion
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize