We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
