So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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