what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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