Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
