Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
