Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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