We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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