you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
