Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
