My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
