Do you still have your period?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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