i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
