I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
