Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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