It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
