I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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