I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
