Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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