I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
