my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
