have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
