I have demons in me.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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