The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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