this boner is exhausting
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
