I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
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