Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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