I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
