His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i think my mom watched the whole time
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
