im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Are my feet made of real feet?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
