i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize