Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
