as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I am never drinking with the goths again.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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