Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
