i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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