EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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