I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
