Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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