My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
where does the pee come out of this thing
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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