The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
