capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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