She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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