He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
