Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
