just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Randomize
