Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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