would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
