I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
