Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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