is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
