It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
