ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
