just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
