Can Purell be used as lube?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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