i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
