overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
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