gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
