yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
