There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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