Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
There r osticjed everywhere
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
