remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
being pregnant is like rehab
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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