booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize