She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
