i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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