She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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