you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
