Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
