Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
