So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
