i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
