babies were throwing up all over the place
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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