I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
