Michael Bay diarrhea
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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