It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
