I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
