you're like a bully in the Christmas story
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
