Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
