I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
