So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
