so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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