I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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