Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
