Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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