You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize