hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
