note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
