peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
