also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Say something about gay babies.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
