I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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