just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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