'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
