I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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