One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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