You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
