I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
