can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
