i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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