I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
