I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
