Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
