Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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