I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
