It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
